Friendzone has become one of the popular terms lately. You’ve probably heard of those who say “I’m in the friendzone”. Even if you haven’t heard, rest assured, there are many people like you. Friendzone is an English word and means ‘friend zone’ in Turkish. Historically, the term was used when someone was bored, when the object of their desire did not reciprocate. Friendzone has typically been the definition of embarrassing someone else for hurting their feelings or saying “no”. However, it is not used in this sense today.
What does romance, hope, excitement mean for the friendzone?
You’ve finally found the person you believe is the love of your life, your soul mate, your dream come true. Everything is going absolutely great; better than you can imagine. He is your best friend. What happens when the romance starts to fade away and things start to change in a way you didn’t plan? Romantic relationships are a wonderful thing. Friendships are also a wonderful thing. But things take a turn for the worse when your romantic relationship starts to move towards being platonic.
One of the most exciting things about new relationships is meeting someone new and getting into their territory. You learn what drives the other person, what they like and what they hate. You have hopes for the future, but you can’t be quite sure what the future will bring, right? Sometimes, two people don’t have to be together that way.
However, you should be able to spot the signs that your relationship is heading towards the friendzone and not the fairy tale you deserve. There are a few things that change in a relationship as your partner becomes less soul mates and more schoolmates. What is a friendzone? How does the person who enters the friendzone status get out of here? Or can it? What are friendzone misconceptions? What are the points that people in the friendzone should pay attention to? You are in the right place for answers to all questions. Welcome to the friendzone world…
What is a friendzone?
The situation when the person you like sees you as a ‘friend’ is called a friendzone. One party sees the other as a close friend, but the other party has different and intense feelings towards him. In short, it can be called the ‘I fell in love with my best friend’ situation. You want to unfriend status but can’t, resulting in friendzone status. Usually, the other party is not aware of this situation and is satisfied with the friendship that he maintains with you. As a result, you get stuck with the emotions you feel because you can’t go beyond friendship.
Friendzone can make you feel emotionally in limbo.
The emotion that keeps you stuck in the friendzone is sometimes the feeling of sexuality. You may actually desire sexual contact with the other person. Or vice versa, you may want to be emotionally attached to someone you have sexual contact with. So why is a person dragged to this point? In order to better understand the friendzone, it is necessary to refer to the theory of social exchange. Theorists developed a theory that summarized the dynamics of relationships in human psychology and called it the social exchange theory. This theory predicts that people are constantly critical of three items in their relationships with people:
1) Profit-loss ratio
In short, the ratio of what we put forward to keep the relationship alive and what we get from the person with whom we have a relationship. We constantly question this. It is healthy for this ratio to be close to one. Otherwise, the ratio will be confused and one of the partners in the relationship will start to boil water.
2) Satisfaction level
Questioning how well it meets our expectations.
3) Level of commitment
Questioning whether we could have a deeper and more fulfilling relationship with him if he had someone else in his place, and if we could, who could he be? Unless we are really screwed and the person we are in a relationship with does not make us very happy, these questions will not come to light. They work on the Background, and in this way, we constantly check the balance of the relationship with our friend, spouse, lover, in short, with the person in front of us.
You must not gain permanent session in the Friendzone.
As long as the balance is in balance, you don’t have any problems with the other person. But sometimes the balance between you and the other person starts to lose its balance. Because your feelings towards your friend have started to change and you don’t see him as just a friend anymore. You begin to feel an imbalance between what you give and what you receive. You also want him not to see you as a friend and to have special feelings. In accordance with social exchange theory, you want to keep the ratio of what you receive to what you give. If you do not bring this situation, which you are partially in, to a plus or minus result, you will be permanently logged into the friendzone. But the friendzone is not a nice place to live at all.
Relationship scales between you may deteriorate for physical and psychological reasons.
The deterioration of the balance between you can be observed in two ways: You have started to give more than you receive. This is mostly a physical give-and-take imbalance. For example, buying gifts for him, being there for him in every difficult moment, communicating frequently. If the other person does not perceive that your attitudes are caused by private feelings, this prop will evaluate your situations in friendship. The deterioration of the balance can also manifest itself with a psychological imbalance of give and take. The sincerity words used after a certain period of time, such as “bro”, the late reply to your messages or the fact that they are telling you about their own platonic will start to wear you out. As long as you continue to put up with it, the other person will continue to understand that your friendship attitudes are like this and he will not notice you.
How to understand friendzone?
1) When contact is lost
You can’t have a romantic relationship without any physical contact. You want to hold your partner’s hand or give him a long hug. Once you and your partner stop making moves, the intimacy of the relationship doesn’t last long. A healthy relationship takes effort. If no moves are made, everything is based on a friendship and is probably already in the friendzone.
2) If you can’t spend time alone
You can’t start a romantic relationship if you can’t spend time alone with your partner. If you spend a lot of time with other people, either separately or with mutual friends, what kind of relationship is that? You should spend time alone to learn how to treat each other when alone. If you and your partner never spend time alone and don’t demand it, it’s probably just friendship between you.
3) When all you post is friends-only photos
There are many social media platforms where you can send your ugliest, most comfortable, unfiltered natural photos to our closest friends. The keyword here is FRIENDS. People with special feelings are not asked to see these photos. Even if the other person shares these kinds of photos with you, he may be looking at you as a friend, so you can understand that you are in the friendzone.
4) When the laughter stops
People can connect with each other through humor. Okay, maybe not for everyone, but humor is a powerful force in relationships. Having fun is essential for lasting relationships. When your partner no longer finds you funny, they may also get angry at you for your jokes. It’s a sad realization when you start to feel like they don’t find you funny. If they’re not even willing to laugh at you for pity, the relationship is likely to be nothing more than friendship.
5) When they are emotionally unavailable
If you start to realize that your partner is not with you emotionally, it will take some work to keep your relationship out of the friendzone. There’s a reason they turn off when you want to talk about feelings…
6) When they seem interested in someone else
Has your partner asked you for advice on how to treat someone else? If your answer is yes, it means things are not going well for your relationship. You better read how to get out of the friendzone.
7) When they seem obsessed with the ex
An important aspect of a healthy relationship is uncovering your past experiences. If the other person is always telling stories about their other relationships, it’s a sign that you need to reconsider your current situation with them. If you’re trying to start a relationship with someone new, constantly talking about an old person isn’t going to help your current relationship. If you don’t want to get permanent session in Friendzone, you better think how.
8) Sharing too much information about private life should also create a question mark
It’s great that the other person loves to share private details about their life with you. When this happens, you feel appreciated and cared for. However, when the relationship is new and one person is genuinely interested in the other person, he will not openly share every detail about his life with you. According to Elite Daily, it usually takes at least three months for parties to start sharing all confidential details. If you notice at the beginning of the relationship that they are telling you about their bathroom experience, they may see you more as a close friend.
9) Romance cannot be forced
When relationships start to go bad, romance is often the first thing to go for. Once the romance is over, it’s hard to get it back. According to Love Panky, romance can’t be forced. When romantic gestures start to become difficult or your partner no longer cares about being attractive to you, the relationship may be moving into the friend zone. It’s hard to have a happy romantic relationship without romance.
10) When you get together at group events
It’s always fun to hang out with a group of friends. But if they just want to hang out when the group is around then there is some problem. For relationships to work, the couple needs to connect on a deeper level than friends. If you and the other person rarely spend time alone, it makes it difficult to build a relationship. The relationship will most likely find a comfortable place in the city of friendship and be trapped in the friendzone.
How to exit friendzone?
Before explaining how to exit the friendzone, it is useful to mention two misconceptions. First of all, in order to leave the friendzone, you must first become friends with the other person. You can’t use this concept for someone you don’t know. Secondly, the person in front of you notices your special feelings, but prefers to ignore it and keeps you in the friendzone. Because in friendship, you can give him good moments and make him happy by giving confidence. The other person does not want to lose this trust and happiness, so it allows you to stay in the friendzone.
People tend to associate the friendzone with the twilight zone: Stuck forever, no way out. But there is a way out, and it is through communication. If you have special feelings for someone more than just a friendship, you should tell them. If someone tells you that they have special feelings for you, if you feel the same, you should either reciprocate or remove them from the friendzone without giving them any more hope. If you can’t admit your feelings, let’s take a look at what you can do:
1) Show less interest in the other person.
Because when the balance of the scales between you is broken, it will be inappropriate to make moves without getting any response. It might be helpful to take a step back. The person who has the power to steer the relationship is the person who is most ready to walk away at any moment. Behaviors that evoke close friendship, that is, best friends, should be avoided. For example, you can start this distancing by changing your use of words used in conversations in correspondence language (bro, bro, brother, pilgrim, etc.).
2) Make your asset rare.
You may need to stay away from the person you like for a while. Because your feelings for him are very strong, if you pull yourself back a little, the relationship between you can become normal. Do not forget that people do not know the value of what they have. Whenever he thinks about losing, then he can come to his senses. This is a valid law for all humanity, “non-existent is valuable”. If the person you are in the friendzone really gives you, they will realize your absence as soon as possible and will want to be with you.
3) Create competition.
Spend time with other friends as well and show it to him in some way. Let them know that you are not alone and there are other people around you. Expand your social circle and share your experiences with the friends you have made with the person you are in the friendzone.
4) Have them do things for you.
People are happy when beauty is done to them and their affairs are solved by others. Research shows that people are much happier when they do good to others. The more effort the other person puts into your relationship, the more he or she will value you. So stop doing things to the other person and let them do things for you.
5) Be rewarding.
When the other person behaves as you wish, reward them directly. If you do not reward him, he will think that what he has done is of no value to you, and will think that you perceive it as an ordinary behavior. But if you reward him, he will continue to pursue this type of behavior. This will get him closer to you. This reward can be any kind word, compliment, small touch, a gift, etc. it could be.
You will be the winner in both good and bad scenarios.
After all these steps, you will have the opportunity to move the relationship to a different dimension by directing the relationship by looking at the tone of the conversation and the change in the scales of the relationship. For these opportunities, you need to focus on the events. Or, if we think about the worst-case scenario, you will realize that the other person does not have any special feelings for you. Knowing this knowledge can weaken your feelings for it. So in both cases, you will be profitable. As a result, it is possible to get rid of the friendzone with a little persuasion and some impressiveness. Do not forget your own worth and do not look needy of the person in front of you, and of course, do not be hopeless. Be prepared to walk away if necessary, and put a controlled distance between you so that he misses you.