Why Doesn’t Anything I Want Happen to Me?

Gizem Şahan

Gizem Şahan

Dreamer | Coaching & Consulting | Innovation & Creativity | Dreamcatcher | Entrepreneur

*Warning, this article contains extreme truth. Don’t say you didn’t warn me in the first place.
Changing your career and life takes effort and effort. It takes time. It requires working with discipline like a smart and responsible person. Not to give up. Not whining at all. You may be surprised at what you can do in a few years on a planned and regular basis. As part of my job, I have worked with hundreds of people and provided consultancy. They realized the goals they set at the beginning, and the real interesting thing is that while they were on the way, the goals also rose and changed. The important thing is to start with a goal, the rest is already coming. Of course, you have to create your own order to achieve these goals.

The unfair things in our life are not our fault, but it is our responsibility to get rid of them. I do not accept the idea that “Whatever I do, I lost from the beginning somehow”, it is our responsibility to look for ways out of this.

Let’s start with our 3 items 🙂

1) Routines Are Good (?)

Each individual must decide whether to walk in the light of creative altruism or in the darkness of destructive selfishness. -Martin Luther King

Now I admit it, I used to think I got bored easily with routines. While I was at university, I used to make cliché sentences such as routine kills creativity etc. However, my research and scientific results say the opposite. People who do not have enough order in their lives are more prone to stress and anxiety under the uncertainties that life brings.
Of course we need surprises and spontaneity in our lives, but pattern actually makes us much healthier and more focused. It takes us away from “overthinking” and relaxes our minds.
If you don’t have enough order in your life, our biological rhythm can go awry because you no longer have a reason to go to bed at a certain time in the evening and get up at a certain time in the morning. (see ikigai) The fact that most people do not wake up at the same time every day is enough for them to become depressed as soon as they get out of bed, as they follow the work of their daily rhythm (circadian rythm). (Maybe that’s why marriage and corporate life exist, who knows 🙂
Kidding aside, if you’re doing something you’re interested in and you’re focused on, that’s when you feel alive. Only then is life worth living and meaningful. “Why am I living? What is my role in this life? What is the purpose of my existence?” Questions like these disappear because the “meaning” with which you are joined is so strong that it pushes aside all the troubles that define life at other times.

A person with a “why” can overcome all “hows”. – Nietzsche

Actually, we know how this works. Almost all the positive emotions you will feel throughout your life will not be the result of getting something. These feelings will be the result of seeing things go well as you walk towards a goal you value. These two are completely different things and you should know the difference.
Because people usually freeze (when they reach their goals). For example, after we passed the university entrance exam and won the department we wanted, weren’t we happy for a month? (I must admit that my dream was Genetic Engineering, but I was not very successful when I accidentally won ITU Management Engineering, which was my first choice) Or after graduation?
Okay, it’s usually the other way around and we get depressed. We think that after we pass the exams we want, after we get what we want, we will always be happy, but that’s not the case. “What will I do now?” we ask. This is what makes us depressed. But we are very good at studying for the exam, trying to get it, we can even enjoy the process if things are going the way we want. It’s hard work. Because we are full of determination and excitement, which is the way our nervous system works.

According to studies, our positive emotions are “go-run” emotions. Our beautiful brain needs a reward. And the sense of achievement. Even if you are not aware of it, our brain wants success and reward. He wants to feel successful. He wants to cross out the items in that checklist, no matter how small.

“Dopamine is a chemical that ignites a part of the brain called the reward circuit. This circuit is the area where you feel cravings and pleasure and are also addicted to something. Dopamine’s evolutionary job is to push you to do what’s good for your genes. The more If you release dopamine, your desire becomes more intense. If there is no dopamine, you completely ignore the thing / person in front of you.”
So if you don’t have a job, if you don’t have a layout, that’s not a good thing. Even though we have evolved into a generation that wants to work less and earn more, when we set up our own businesses, when we say oh how easily I will be my own boss, I can go to bed and wake up whenever I want, those things do not happen that way.
Let’s say you want to change jobs, but you have children, you have a spouse, you have credit debt. There are also. These are your responsibilities. You got it. Nobody made you do it at gunpoint. Then we will approach with more dedication to fulfill these responsibilities. With strategy. “Let me resign and start my own business and get rich the easy way” is not a strategy, it is not sustainable at all. Maybe you need to improve your English, update your CV, improve your interview skills, increase your communication, express yourself correctly, and have self-confidence. Look, these can be developed with strategy. With work too.
Even though I thought I loved disorder at first, you actually get crushed under the chaotic structure of disorder and you don’t feel any positive emotions. You start to feel anxious, but that’s great if it drives you to some extent, and too much anxiety is paralyzing. So it is necessary to choose carefully 🙂
For example, start by making your bed in the morning, fix something small. But fix it.

2) Find a Meaning

Life can be so meaningful that it is worth all its suffering.
What is meaning? What is it to do something meaningful to you? We are constantly chasing this “meaning”, but most of us are unaware of what it is. Because there is no “normal” meaning that is considered a “norm”. Everyone has their own meaning.
You may force yourself to do things, get angry with yourself, or set impossible goals. Most of my clients when I ask you to list what you want to do at the beginning. They set goals such as reading 1 book a week, doing sports every day, earning 1 million dollars. My reaction is: “Really? Do you believe you can do that right this week?” is happening. Because I know that when they can’t reach these challenging goals they set, they get bored, give up completely and punish themselves.
But I wouldn’t recommend doing that. Instead, please ask yourself “what do you want to do”. And start with 1 book a month, or 1 hour of exercise a week. Start with the easiest step and increase gradually as you see you succeed. This is a very effective technique indeed.
Time is passing off. The pursuit of the meaningful is not a luxury. I’m not saying chase after happiness, that’s unrealistic, but the meaning is good. If you are suffering at work today and do nothing, in 10 years you will suffer more and you will be much older. (I’m sorry I said this article contains too much truth)
Life cannot be reduced to just one dimension like happiness and unhappiness. Life is not that simple. Life is complex, tragic and difficult. And now today’s social media and trends are alienating people from their own pain. It’s presented as if you’re not happy, you’re pathetic and a loser. When they are in pain, when they do meaningless things, they feel as if there is something wrong with them. Only you are unhappy and everyone else is happy? According to Instagram, it might be, but believe me, as someone who works with people, life is not what you think. You are not alone, others are suffering too. The only difference is they are trying to do something about it.
You can do this too.
Friends, it is not easy to find your meaning in life, it is not like running 100 meters in 10 seconds. If you still haven’t figured out what to do, stop torturing yourself. Blocking potential. The range of emotions you experience deepens your life, without pain, without suffering, without fear and anxiety, your life would be shallow and by the time you realize it, it would be too late, but if you are reading this right now, it has not passed yet. Please don’t give up.

3) Have a Purpose

What is it that moves you? You may find something that moves you. Please decide now. Do you need to have purpose? So everyone has a purpose in this life? Should it be?
If you say yes, let’s first find out what your goals are. You must have goals.
Before you even get out of bed in the morning, when you open your eyes, you can think in bed:
“I want to have a good day today and I don’t want to go to bed in the evening (that I said I would do) but feeling guilty about the things I didn’t do. I want to have an interesting day and I want to fulfill my responsibilities. At the same time, I want to enjoy today as well”.
Then you might ask yourself, “What can I do to make this day go like this?”
When you do this every morning for 3-4 days, your beautiful brain will start to respond to you and it will be easier for you to do the things that are meaningful to you and put off.
1) What are the things that are meaningful to me?
2) What is around me that does not feel right to me?
3) What are the things that I do and should not do now?
4) What are the things that I am not doing now but should do?
You can start by writing these lists. And if it’s so meaningful and important to you, why not do something for them?
Have some self-respect please. I believe there are many things you can do. You are necessary. And yes, perhaps you are more necessary than you think.
Come on, do something for them today, even if it’s a small one! Even if it is small, let this step turn into incremental and repeated gains. Discipline and patience are important, very important. You can change not by getting angry with yourself, but by agreeing with yourself. Let’s see what we can achieve together, I don’t know about others, but I trust you, you can do it!

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