I do not know what I want

Gizem Şahan

Gizem Şahan

Dreamer | Coaching & Consulting | Innovation & Creativity | Dreamcatcher | Entrepreneur

22 September 2021

Do you know what the most messages and questions I receive are about?
The sentence I was told the most is: ‘I don’t know what I want?!’
I’ve thought about this a lot and actually just realized this. So do we know how to ask? It’s like we want something very, very much, we have to be enthusiastic, our purpose, passion and energy should always be on that thing. We just need to be able to focus on it. We have to know what we want. We must believe that whatever we want will come true. We have to constantly repeat what we want.
Hmm… Here’s where the equation gets a little complicated. Because more than one emotion and meaning is hidden under the sentence ‘I don’t know what I want’.
Most of us cannot ‘want’ or even ask for help and support. You ask why? Some ego, some society… We think asking for help is powerlessness and weakness. Then before you ask for help, I have prepared a list for you.
Which of the following is most familiar to you under the sentence ‘I don’t know what I want’?
1. I am undecided: I can’t decide between multiple options.
2. I am desperate: I don’t have options, it feels like I can’t do anything because I’m inadequate.
3. I’m afraid: I am unhappy with my current situation, but I find it scary to take a new step.
4. I am exhausted: I want to do something, even ‘I have to’ but I don’t have the time or energy.
5. I don’t know: I don’t know myself, my abilities and what I can do. I haven’t thought much about it, and I don’t even know how to think about it. Someone tell me what to do, I need this.
6. I Have A Monkey Appetite: I mean, at least my family, people around me say that’s how I am. I start something eagerly, but then I get bored quickly and quit. I have no internal discipline and what I left unfinished paralyzes me by saying ‘what if I leave this unfinished’, and I don’t even start anymore. I want to do everything at the same time, I’m in a hurry. I must know right now.
7. I am lazy: I just like to do things that interest me, because I don’t do other things, people, especially my parents, say I’m lazy. However, it is drudgery for me, I do not do it because of him. When I want to, I do it all at once.
8. I’m lost: Before, I was someone who knew what he wanted and could control my life, but I don’t know what happened, after my last experience, I feel like I can’t control my life. While everyone was asking me for advice before, now I have no energy or advice to give to anyone. I can’t take care of myself, how can I help them?
9. I have a problem with money: I know making money is essential. In fact, I do my current job only for money, but I earn less than I deserve. I can’t ask for a raise or a promotion, so this situation is squeezing me. I don’t know how it is wanted or wanted, it feels like a shame.
10. I am unhappy: I have tried many things so far. Personal development books, trainings, seminars. I still don’t know what I want. I look at other people, successful people, and think about what I’m missing from them and get unhappy. But all I need is a little support, a little push. But I can’t find it myself.

11. I have obligations, responsibilities: I also know that I can be an entrepreneur, start my own business, but I am not dry like them. There is rent, there are bills, the children have school, there are installments. I can’t say I love my job, but I have to. Did those before us work as if they were happy? I have to abide by this order. I can’t fall into childish dreams, my responsibilities outweigh. I don’t know what I want because asking is a luxury. I do not have this luxury, and even though I envy people who try to improve themselves in such matters, I judge and despise them from the outside.
12. I am worthless: Nothing will happen to me. I already studied at a mediocre university. I don’t have a foreign language. I do not have talent. Actually, I am talented, I am hardworking, if they give me a job, I will do it, but who should do what to me? No one looks at me when they’re all better than me.
13. There is a crisis, there is unemployment, the market situation is bad: While these exist, I cannot have the power to take a step, to demand, to demand my rights. Everyone is unemployed anyway, so I better continue here under the current conditions. Even if they work here for the same money for 5 years, even if they do not pay my salary, I will not speak up. Actually, I seem to know what I want, there are things that I enjoy, I’m trying to do it, but I can’t break my schedule right now.
I could count a lot more, but I wanted to leave it at 13, which is an unlucky number. From there, I want you to remember that all these substances are actually our saboteurs.

I’m sure you have one or more of these items. These are just a few of the saboteurs I’ve encountered. So our inner voice is the voice that keeps us from doing what we want to do and trying to keep us alive. Thanks to our saboteurs, you can read this post right now, so they’re not that bad, but we often don’t realize that while they protect us from pain, they also prevent us from living a fulfilled life.
I often give trainings on how to overcome our saboteurs and support people. Believe me, there are so many of them, and most of us are similar. We may be very subjective personally, we may be unique, but we live in this society and society shapes our inner voice. It is not easy to take action and make decisions for the future by improving them, but it is not as difficult as we think.
Well, I would like to ask you… Before you say, ‘I don’t know what I want’, are you aware of your saboteur?
If you wish, you can follow me on Instagram: @gizemsahancoaching

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