Pick up any self-help book and turn the pages. The only concept you will encounter most often, even as often as you will see it on almost every page, will unquestionably be self-confidence.
It takes its place as a recommendation in every list. It does not go down in the interview questions. The articles with self-confidence in the title reach thousands of readings. In short, being self-confident is on its way to becoming a serious urban legend.
Considering that it is necessary to revise the stereotyped personal development myths realistically, I have compiled for you by attaching the wrongs known to be accurate, contrary to the custom, recommendations that do not remain in the air and are not abstract.
❌ Wrong: Self-confidence is an innate trait or a talent.
✅Fact: Self-confidence is not something you have, but something you decide to have.
Think of the people you can describe as the most successful, the happiest: are they successful or happy because they are the most beautiful, the richest or the most talented? Or is it because they decided to trust themselves at some point and went after what they dreamed about? The priority step you need to take is that you really want to be confident and decide on it. In other words, you should not lose faith in yourself on the grounds that you are not innately confident.
❌ Wrong: Accept yourself as you are and try to love with your mistakes.
✅Fact: Accepting yourself does not mean ultimately ignoring your shortcomings.
Thinking about your flaws, shortcomings, and mistakes, you have made in the past over and over and feeling guilty about them will not only bring you any long-term gains but will keep your mood and self-confidence constantly low. But it is helpful to be realistic: it is not possible to ignore them completely.
Focus on how not to repeat your mistakes, and take care to treat your flaws as obstacles that every person has but that vary from person to person but possible to be changed.
On a piece of paper, list your physical characteristics (for example, being overweight), your character traits (for example, having a generally pessimistic attitude) and habits (for example, an unhealthy diet) that you see as flaws in yourself, then think about what you can do about them.
If you are complaining about your excess weight and unhealthy diet, for example, not consuming junk food. Although you may have difficulty in implementing it in the beginning, take a decision that you are aware of that you need to make in the long run and try to maintain it.
❌ Wrong: The moment you learn to be confident, a new door will open in your life and your perspective on events will completely change. In short, there is a permanent self-confidence in individuals who can develop this ability.
✅Fact: There is no rule that self-confidence is once gained, it will remain forever.
American writer Zin Ziglar, “It is said that motivation is not permanent. Showering is also not permanent, so it is recommended to take it every day.” He actually summed up the situation pretty well.
Every day, you need to read something inspiring, reminding yourself that there are other people who achieve your dreams, goals, and so on, so the impossible is actually not real.
Yes, unfortunately every day: Listen to podcasts, read self-help books, follow motivational blogs and development magazines.
Follow the people who are in the place of your dreams, even hang a picture or poster on the wall of your room or on your desk to remind you of your goal; You are completely free to decide how to motivate yourself. The important thing is that you regularly renew your enthusiasm and motivation each day and maintain it for as long as possible.
❌ Wrong: The main focus is on your past mistakes and learning from them.
✅Fact: It’s good to focus on your mistakes, but you can also learn from your successes and achievements.
It is certainly easier to remember your failures than to remember the myriad of successes. Perhaps, you have got high grades in the same course countless times, but you don’t get a grade other than the very low grade you got on the last exam when the name of the course is mentioned.
Jack Canfield, in his bestselling book The Success Principles(TM), focuses on this issue: your achievements are actually the main factor that drives your thoughts, and the main point you need to address is what you have done right each time you have been successful.
So how can you do this? Here is a suggestion for you:
Divide your life into three. For example, if you are 30 years old, the age ranges are 0-10, 11-20 and 21-30. In each of these ranges, write on a piece of paper three things you are proud to have achieved, so you should have 9 achievements in total. Try to think of how you felt when you achieved these.
Did they scare you, stress you out, and make you feel like you weren’t enough before you got it? Your answer is yes, isn’t it? Well, is there any reason why those things you dreamed of or targeted were not just like your successes? Well, if you can think of a reason, remember, you probably would have answered this question before you had these achievements.
❌ Wrong: You should be interested in hobbies that will add something to you and have long-term returns.
✅Fact: Spend time on things you love and don’t feel obligated to prove yourself to.
You have come out of a busy work/school period, or you have a completely free day of your own. What would you like to spend this day doing? So what do you prefer to do on a sad or low mood day to fulfill your mood?
Your answer may not be to read a classic novel or visit a museum, which is perfectly natural. You may enjoy going into the kitchen, taking photos even if it’s an amateur, or doing gardening, or even turning on music in your room and dancing to your heart’s content, or watching a few episodes of your favorite TV series.
Whatever happens; Spending time on such activities means you value yourself, and they have an unconscious effect on your self-confidence even if you don’t realize it. Of course, this does not mean that you spend all your free time with such activities, but keep in mind that you need a break even in your busiest period.