This word, which has this meaning both in our language and in other languages and is very easy to say, is sometimes very difficult to express after an adventure of thought. Everyone wants to be compatible, to be loved by everyone, but we must do this without hurting our own self-esteem. We cannot please everyone at the same time. We don’t have to do that either. Every time we compromise ourselves to make others happy, we bid farewell to eternity with a piece of our self-respect.
Now is the time to learn to say “No” when appropriate. I’m not talking about saying “No” to everything and missing out on the amazing life experiences you’ll have. When appropriate, you can enjoy life more and increase your self-respect and confidence by saying “No” to things you don’t want to do when you find it difficult to do. So how do we learn to say “No”?
1) Decide on the importance of the topic.
Give a degree of importance to what you are doing now and the other issue you are asked to do. Which is more important?
If what you are doing now is more important, consider that doing the other will have negative consequences for you. This will lead you to the “no” answer.
2) Set your limits.
Most people think that if they can do something, they should. This can tire you out. You may not find the time and energy to do everything yourself. Set limits for yourself. E.g; If you go out two nights in a row, you will get tired. You have plans for Friday, so you can say “no” to your friend who asked to go out on Saturday.
3) Teach to do what is asked of you, do not do it.
You don’t have to do everything. You can teach some jobs to others. If someone is constantly asking you to do something, teach it. So you don’t have to say “no” all the time.
4) Ask for some time to think.
If you are unsure of your answer, ask for some time to think. “I’ll think about it a bit, I’ll let you know.” you can say. If your answer is “no”, you can say it more confidently after some thought.
5) Suggest alternative ideas.
“You can ask person X for help with this.” You can soften your way of rejection by suggesting alternative ideas such as
6) Remember, you are rejecting an offer, not one.
Don’t feel guilty. Just as people have the right to ask you for something, you have the freedom not to do it. If you cannot do this, if you notify the other party in an appropriate language, you will not be unduly responsible.
7) Be clear.
Do not deceive, do not delay. Do not hesitate to refuse. Sometimes saying “no” outright is less disappointing than distracting the other party.
Getting used to saying “no” to requests that don’t suit you will make you feel better and more secure. You won’t have to wear yourself out to keep up with everything and please everyone. You will spend your time more productively for yourself and your work. Once you get used to it, it will be easy to reject things you can’t or don’t want to do.
“When you say ‘yes’ to others, you have to make sure you’re not saying ‘no’ to yourself.” – Paulo Coehlo