You should notice the signs of low emotional intelligence because it is difficult to form healthy relationships with people who lack this type of intelligence…
Most people don’t grow up learning a lot about their emotions; that is, what they are, how they work or how to manage them well…
This means that while academic or social intelligence levels are perfectly normal, there are many people with surprisingly low emotional intelligence.
You should notice the signs of low emotional intelligence because it is difficult to form healthy relationships with people who lack this type of intelligence. Whether you’re considering starting a business, marrying or even coaching this type of person, it’s important to be able to spot early signs of low emotional intelligence.
1| They avoid talking about how they feel
If you really want to see how emotionally intelligent someone has, pay attention to how they express themselves about their emotions.
Some people with very low emotional intelligence avoid or even refuse to talk about their feelings. But more commonly, they are not very good at this. They often use vague or metaphorical language to describe how they feel. For example, they say, “I’m just a little stressed” or “I’m nervous right now” . Sometimes they intellectualize their feelings by using abstract and conceptual language to avoid describing how they really feel, i.e. “I’m just a little overwhelmed.” they say.
On the other hand… People with high emotional intelligence are not afraid to express their feelings in simple emotional language.
They say things like “I’m feeling sad” , “ I’m angry”, “I’m disappointed and a little angry right now” .
2| They criticize themselves for how they feel
Because many emotions, such as fear or sadness, make us feel bad, it is easy to think that they are bad or that we are bad because we feel them. This is something that often happens to people who, as children, were punished or ridiculed for expressing their feelings.
In any case, a common symptom of low emotional intelligence is; is when people criticize themselves for having difficult feelings. Because they think it is bad or wrong to be afraid. For example, they think it is embarrassing to feel sad. They also think that getting angry is a sign of weakness.
Judging yourself by how you feel will only make you feel worse in the long run.
Emotionally intelligent people know well that just because something makes them feel bad doesn’t mean it’s bad. Therefore, when they feel bad, they instead treat themselves with kindness and compassion.
3| They try to control their emotions
People with low emotional intelligence think of difficult emotions as problems that need to be resolved. This means that when a painful mood or emotional state arises, they immediately try to get rid of it. But when you constantly treat your emotions as if they are problems, you are teaching your brain to see them as problems. It just makes you more distant from your emotions, frightening them and making you reactive towards them in the future.
When you treat your emotions as problems, you teach your brain to see them that way.
Emotionally intelligent people see emotions as messengers, not threats. Whether you like the content of the message or not, there is no point in shooting emotions that serve as messengers. The best way to free yourself from painful emotions is to validate them and let them work on their own, rather than trying to control them.
4| They only notice loud emotions
While it’s very common to experience multiple emotions at once, people with low emotional intelligence tend to only notice the biggest, loudest emotion.
For example, they express that they feel “very angry” when they lose control while driving and suddenly leave the road, but they are not aware that they are afraid.
People with high emotional intelligence, on the other hand, have enough self-awareness to be aware of all their emotions, even the silent ones that exist “behind” their primary emotions.
5| They blindly follow their emotions
Another clear sign of low emotional intelligence is; believing everything your emotions tell you. Emotions often give us useful information. For example, feeling frightened when your fire alarm goes off. But there is also the possibility of misleading us. They feel anger when their partner points out a mistake and asks them to correct it.
Emotionally intelligent people listen to all their feelings, but do not blindly trust any of them.
Our emotions are not mystical. And overestimating them can be just as dangerous as underestimating them.
6| They try to ‘fix’ their feelings
You can learn a lot about the emotional intelligence level of others by looking at how they deal with their painful emotions and moods.
People with low emotional intelligence are afraid of painful feelings in others, so they often try to push them away. For example: They try to give you reasons why you shouldn’t feel this way, or they immediately attempt to fix your bad mood with a problem-solving approach. These are dead efforts as they are not very high on emotional intelligence.
On the other hand, if someone is good at validating your feelings and being willing to live with them without judgment or advice, that’s usually a sign of very high emotional intelligence.
7| They always act like they’re happy
I don’t trust people who always claim to be happy and never admit or show it when they’re sad, scared, embarrassed, or just plain sad. Insisting on being happy all the time is often a sign of low emotional intelligence.
Because they don’t understand their moods and emotions very well, people with low emotional intelligence may experience feelings they dislike; they live in denial of what is painful, disturbing. And they hope that if they tell themselves they’re always happy, they’ll always be happy and never have to feel bad.
You can try to manifest positivity until your face turns blue, but it’s perfectly normal to experience all kinds of emotions, including painful ones .
Emotionally intelligent people, on the other hand, know that there are no good or bad feelings, except for good or bad hair colors. They are confident enough to feel bad and be okay with it.
Having low emotional intelligence does not make someone bad or worthless. In many ways, it’s just a skill deficiency. And obviously we all experience some of these shortcomings from time to time. On the other hand, before entering into any serious relationship with some people who suffer from such shortcomings, it is important to clearly see their strengths and weaknesses.
A keen mind or a charming personality is easy to be dazzled by, but none of that can make up for low emotional intelligence and all the problems that come with it.
Quote from a therapist who works with unhappy people: “You’ll save yourself a lot of grief if you learn the signs of low emotional intelligence early on.”
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